Milky Gold Trench Coat with Bulletproof Triweave

You've always wanted to be a golden living statue. Always.
But those kids mocked you relentlessy when you peed your pants in fifth grade because you figured because it was golden... maybe it would do the same thing! 

Sadly, your also a bit of a moron, but you'll get by just fine.
After a decade of tuning your craft, scouring up ever last cent from pan handling. You've just become the Scottish Cowboy.
 
You couldn't afford a proper suit.
So you had to settle for the thrift store. Buy some grandpas old coat. 
A grandmas skirt and I don't even know what cholo that shirt came from, my god.
 
There you stand. Proud and tall.
Waiting for the impending zombie apocalypse.
When you will show them just how STILL you can stand.
 
Internally, you will grin and laugh as they all get slain before your eyes.
Those pesky gonks that laughed at your hopes and dreams. and then.
You were the last person standing at last.  Who got the last laugh?
HA-H OH FUC-