Sturdy Shoulder Straps

Have you just come off the assembly line?
Because with a harness like this you might as well be-
....FACTORY FRESH!
 
Is that supposed to be a compliment, Jerry? 
What kind of shit PR team came up with this garbage?
Why not mention the important stuff? 
We've got military grade AustriAlbin buckles with load ratings exceeding the competition?
Webbing that will stand up to low caliber pistols.
Eyelets that will take fifteen tons of horizontal and vertical stress.
Abrasion resistant materials that will last a generation.
That's what the consumers need to know, Jerry!
Not some fucking bullshit marketing ploy to make us sound cool!

DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHO YOUR MARKETING THIS TOWARD, JERRY?
YOU DONT DO YOU? WHAT THE FUCK! NO REALLY, WHAAAT THEEEEE FUUUCK!!!!!